Every Guy at the Gym Is Training for a Triathlon or Hiding From Something

There are two types of guys at the gym. The first is training for a triathlon. The second doesn’t know what he’s training for, but he knows if he stops moving, something will catch up to him.

That something might be stress. Or aging. Or the slow encroachment of adult softness. Could be a breakup. Could be shame. Could be the ghost of a high school wrestling coach who called him "soft" once in 2003. Hard to say.

But either way, he is here. He is focused. He is sweating through a shirt that says Earned, Not Given.

The Endurance Guy

Let’s start with the triathlon guy. You’ll spot him by the watch, the vest, the shoes with names like “Cloudrush” or “KineticEdge.” He logs everything. Distance, pace, heart rate, hydration. He’ll do three workouts in a day and refer to it as “base building.”

Triathlon guy is not here to chat. He is here to suffer in zones. He trains on a schedule color-coded like a military op. His playlists are all tempo-specific. His meals are portioned by macronutrient, not flavor.

He talks about “engine efficiency” and foam rolling with the passion of a man who used to have hobbies.

The Escape Artist

Then there’s the other guy. No spreadsheet. No Garmin. Just rage, regret, and a half-charged AirPod. He bench presses like he’s trying to exorcise something. There is no plan. Only motion. Only the kind of primal discipline that says, “I am not okay, but I am here.”

This is the guy doing heavy deadlifts at 7:15 a.m. on a Tuesday. The guy who shadowboxes between sets. The guy who says “this is therapy” but means it literally.

No one knows what he’s running from. He probably doesn’t either. But he leaves the gym standing up straighter, like whatever was chasing him will have to wait until tomorrow.

The Third Type (But Not Really)

There are other types too. The casual lifter. The guy who’s just here to stay in shape. The guy with the New Balance shoes and no agenda. But let’s be honest. Even those guys are hiding something. It just might be less dramatic.

Maybe he just doesn’t want to feel like he’s slipping. Maybe he misses how his body used to feel. Maybe this is the only hour of the day that makes sense to him.

So What Are We All Doing Here?

Most guys won’t say it out loud, but they’re at the gym trying to outrun something. Not physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Metaphorically. Take your pick.

The gym is where we go to fix things we can't name. Or at least to exhaust ourselves enough to stop thinking about them for an hour.

So yeah, some of us are training for a triathlon. The rest of us are trying to keep our lives from collapsing like a poorly stacked plate on leg day.

Either way, we’ll be here. Hydrating aggressively. Ignoring lower back pain. Pretending we know what RPE stands for.

Because if you can’t fix your problems, you can at least bench press near them.